[Episode 16] How To Manage Being Misgendered During Social Isolation

by | May 15, 2020

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In this episode we will be looking into how you can manage yourself when you are misgendered. This is particularly for any folks that are isolated at home with family members that may not be respecting your pronouns.

I know this is a big topic that comes with so many emotions. It’s not easy to be faced with a family that refuses to acknowledge or affirm your identity.

Learning how to manage ourselves when we’re misgendered is the best way to support our mental health.

Being misgendered doesn’t mean we’re doing the wrong thing. It means that the person misgendering us has shit coming up for them, that they can’t manage, so they project it on us.

The truth is, someone else’s feelings are not our responsibility. You are not responsible for making someone else happy. You are responsible only for your own thoughts and feelings. Understanding this allows you to keep your power in knowing who you are and feeling good about that.

 

WHEN YOU HAVE HARD FEELINGS COME UP FOR YOU WHEN YOU’RE MISGENDERED, TAKE A MOMENT TO ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:

  • What am I feeling? Name the feelings, all the ones that are coming up for you.
  • Why am I feeling this? It’s more than just being misgendered.
  • What are my needs that aren’t being met right now?
  • What am I responsible for right now?

 

Give yourself space (if it’s possible) to take some time to manage yourself while you ask yourself these questions.

Set boundaries. Figure out what you would like to do if your boundary is crossed, e.g. leave the space, not engage with that family member for a period of time. Be reasonable and realistic.

Do something that you can actually follow through with. If you say you’re going to do something but don’t, you’re not setting a boundary at all and that person will not take it seriously because you aren’t.

Make it clear being misgendered is a boundary for you and if your family isn’t going to gender you correctly then you will do what you chose that will help you feel better, then follow through with that.

There are also many peer support groups online where you can go, if you’re unable to share your identity with your family members. Facebook is a great place to start. I run a gender diverse peer support group called gender diverse peer support.

 

Gender diverse peer support logo.

 

In Australia there are a few online/meet up TGD peer support groups around. If you’re a trans masc human that lives in Melbourne you can join The Shed. If you’re in Queensland there’s Queensland Transgender Network. If you’re in Western Australia you can join Non binary folks of WA, Australian nonbinary community, and Trans pride Melbourne.

If you’re outside Aussie, there are a HEAP of global groups such as Non-binary Gender Pride, LGBTQIA+ strength and support for any powerlifters out there, FTM,MTF and non-binary support group, Transvalid private group, Non binary mental health support and the association of transgender professionals for businessy folks out there.

This is not an exhaustive list, it’s just some of the groups I know of or am a member of. Give facebook a search and I’m certain you’ll find many more and possibly ones more local to your region.

 

Non-binary gender pride logo.

 

This is not an exhaustive list, it’s just some of the groups I know of or am a member of. Give facebook a search and I’m certain you’ll find many more and possibly ones more local to your region.

Bowie Stover Thinking Pose

Bowie Stover

Pronouns: they/them

My passion to help others through developing an active and healthy lifestyle, along with my desire to contribute as much as I can back to our queer community, has led me to co-found Fearless Movement Collective. To be a small part of your day that makes a HUGE impact on your life would be one of the most gratifying and rewarding experiences that I could hope to have.

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You can also find me (Bowie), Fearless Movement Collective (FMC) and Non Gendered Fitness (NGF) on instagram and Facebook at the links below.

Bowie: @the.no.t.enbie
NGF: @non_gendered_fitness

 

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Non Binary Fitness Coach Bowie Stover kneeling with two kettlebells

Bowie Stover
(they/them)
Kettlebell and Movement Coach

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